Grandparents Rock

Grandparents Rock

About a month ago my husband and I were lucky enough to spend a long weekend in Venice, child free. He was heading out to present at a conference, I was tagging along for the amazing sights, food and slightly warmer weather – all made affordable because we weren’t paying for flights and hotels.

The key thing that made it all possible though, was two amazing grandparents, who offered to take our small bundle of joy. She says, words dripping in sarcasm.

Our delightful little boy had been particularly testing, especially at meal times. So the offer of a few days away to recharge and become half way sane again, was grabbed with both hands. (I say this, but when the time came, I actually didn’t want to leave him at all – this being my first time away from him for more than a night.)

Fate, of course, intervened and leaving him was a lot easier and more sudden than I thought. My car engine blew up on the way to my mother in law’s house, and we ended up unceremoniously dumping a small, very tired boy from one car to another at a motorway services – us driving at speed in one direction and his grandma taking him more sedately away in the other.

Shortly after we were in Venice, drinking red wine and eating seafood. And he was, from all accounts as happy as anything playing with the dogs, not missing us a single bit.

Four days later I picked him up, and he did have the good grace to look excited when he saw me. After just four days I swear he looked different. But the most amazing change was his behaviour. Before we were having World War Three battles over bibs. Now, he was asking for his bib before every meal. Before he’d pile huge amounts of food onto a spoon throwing most of it off and eating what stuck. Now he was taking lovely small spoonfuls each time. Oh and the most amazing thing, he was sleeping through the night to 7.30 am.

The following week, even nursery commented on his delightful behaviour, at which point I had to admit it wasn’t my parenting that did the trick.

But it has given me pause for thought.

The delightful behaviour lasted about two weeks. Then he started teething again and now his bedtime routine has gone out the window. He’s been able to settle himself for about a year now. That is, until about ten days ago, when all memory of it was apparently erased from his brain. Now he won’t sleep unless we’re standing over his bed shushing him until he gently snores. We’ve tried everything. Controlled crying, you name it. One nght, at the two hour mark I gave in and shushed him. Possibly sealing my fate forever more by letting him win. But I’d just run out of energy, it was a school night and I still had work to do.

This Easter weekend, he’s back at his grandparents. We drove up yesterday, had a lovely Easter egg hunt in the garden, then high-tailed it out of there leaving our little one with them. I’m not so secretly hoping they can work their all-powerful Grandparent magic again and break this cycle.

If not, well at least I’ll have had four full night’s sleep before I go into battle once more.

Grown up wheels?

Time for grown up wheels?

I’ve never seen being Australian as much of an impediment. Even when we’re outside our natural habitat, living half a world away, in the UK. The only thing we’re not really geared up for is the British winter. In particular, driving on icy roads.

Two weeks ago, on one freakishly cold morning, I took my usually route to work. I carefully drove out of my street, over a bridge and straight up the backside of a very nice lady.

It was completely my fault. Well, the fault of the black ice and my brakes forgetting their very singular purpose, but that’s not how the insurance company saw it.

One phone call, £300 excess and two years no claims bonus out the window later, my car was taken away for repairs. Check me being all organised. Then I panicked. How on earth was I going to transport a baby to nursery and me to work now?

Amazingly, my company and our client, Subaru, came to the rescue. I had no idea what type of Subaru it was, but when wheels were offered I jumped at the chance.

That evening I wandered up to the agency car park armed with the Subaru keys. I say car park, but it’s actually a rabbit warren that someone of great intelligence thought should be inhabited by cars. I suspect it was built in the 70s when cars were 3000% smaller than they are today.

Still oblivious to the details of my ride I clicked the key and the lights flashed on what is by far the biggest (and fanciest) car I’ve ever driven. A shiny new Subaru XV. My car could fit into the passenger seat of this thing. No pressure then.

Seat and mirrors adjusted, I pushed the start button. This still makes me smile as every time I start the car I imagine I’m firing up a space ship. Small things…

I was just pulling out of the parking space when I realised something felt a little, well, warm. I know I was nervous, but really? Heated seats. Phew. Actually I could get used to luxuries like this.

20 minutes and a lot of positive mental chanting later (“don’t crash the car, don’t crash the car, don’t crash the car”) I exited the building.

On the road, hands firmly at 10 to 2, I was struck by how amazing easy it was to drive. In comparison to the XV, my car drives like a lawn mower and sounds like a tractor. And once I was on the road the XV didn’t feel too big at all. What do you know, I was actually enjoying this.

My little boy loved it too. The windows are much bigger than he’s used to. For a whole hour he told me every car, van, truck and bus he’d had the pleasure of spying from his new vantage point. Lucky mummy.

I get my own little mini back tomorrow, and for now it’s still the car for me. It’s fun and driving it I can still pretend I’m 27 (sadly not 37). But very soon the time will come for a proper grown up car. And the XV has certainly given me a lot to think about. Especially on icy roads.

A heart felt thank you to Subaru for letting me borrow the shiny new XV. I’m delighted to say I’ve returned it in one piece.

Time. What’s that?

Eeeek. No time.

The work new year has kicked off with a bang, and so far shows no sign of slowing down. Great, because there’s a truckload of interesting new briefs in for clients who seem really up for standing out in a tough marketplace. So I’ve not minded cramming in extra work on a Friday, when I’m off, or over the weekend. In truth, it’s just what creatives do.

So this year, most of my Fridays have gone something like this:

Hear baby rouse.

Dash to shower, don’t dry hair.

Dress baby / have breakfast.

Entertain baby / go out.

Make them lunch / don’t usually have time for lunch myself

Put them down for a nap / turn computer on and type like a mad woman.*

Keep typing til baby rouses.

Get baby up.

Snack with them.

Entertain them / go out.

Make them dinner.

Bath them.

Read to them.

Pour wine.

Turn on computer.

Keep working.

Eat / Stare vacantly at husband.

Go to bed.

*What I usually do over nap time is run around cleaning the house, putting washing on, ordering groceries, and trying desperately to keep up with my growing mountain of paperwork that no longer fits neatly away from sight in a drawer.

Apart from the complete lack of any time to myself, I don’t mind working on a Friday. What I do find hard is when people in the office actually get annoyed when I say won’t be able to get things done until lunch time (explaining my non-baby window of opportunity), and why if it’s not complete by the time the little man wakes, it’ll be evening before I can look at it again.

My bosses have been brilliant on this front. It’s my colleagues who are less forgiving. Often the ones with children themselves.

I think next time I might just point out that I’m not actually paid to work Fridays. Technically it’s my weekend so it’s just like me demanding they have a brief ready by a specific time on a Sunday morning.

That sounds perfectly reasonable don’t you think. No?

Happy New Year?

Happy New Year everyone.

I hope your start to the year has been a great one.

For me, well, I’ve found myself at a loss. I guess the new year makes you re-evaluate things. But at the moment I don’t have the answers I want.

My problem? A wilful and disobedient 17 month old. Is this normal? Have the terrible two’s arrived early? (Please tell me it doesn’t get worse.) Is this behaviour my fault?

For the last month, our little one has been a bit off colour. The amount of snot he produces each day he could supply the next Ghost Buster’s movie with slime. He’s had a few days with a high temperature. And he’s finally cut his 8th tooth. So, I’ve cut him a bit of slack. We’ve not always eaten snacks at the table. His routine has been a bit out as he’s caught up on sleep. He’s been allowed to play with some highly prized and previously contraband items like my mobile phone.

Now, he’s turned into a monster. We rarely have a single enjoyable hour with him, let alone a day. He’s refused to sit in his high chair. He throws his food and other objects as hard as he can across the room. He has tantrums at the drop of a hat. He whinges and whines but won’t have cuddles. In short, he’s less than his usual delight to be around.

So much so, I’ll be perfectly honest and admit that I dropped him off at nursery today, and I’m not even back at work.

Of course, at nursery he’s nothing but an angel. He never throws food. He plays beautifully. He’s into every new activity. He’s a positive, happy, outgoing little boy.

My husband’s solution is to offer him food once then let him go hungry, just let him whine when he’s told he can’t have a certain item and let him cry and cry at night if he won’t go to sleep. Tough love. He’s going to out-stubborn our one year old.

In theory, I think our wee man is testing us and this is probably the right direction to take. In practice, I just can’t follow through when he looks so pathetic and clings to me like a koala.

I’ve won on the eating front. When he’s hungry he will sit nicely in his high chair. The throwing, tantrums and whingeing, I’ve still to find a solution to.

So my new year reading has so far been ‘How to raise a brighter child’. This was my mum’s bible. She thinks it should be titled ‘How to survive children’. The small part I’ve read so far, when not dodging missiles or cooling melt-downs, has been a great insight into childhood development. Really interesting reading.

However, I’m desperate here. I want to enjoy my time with my toddler again. And fast. So I’ve pulled out the big guns. Amazon. Gina Ford. Express delivery.

I really hope you’re a match for my little boy.

bah humbug?

Is it wrong to boycott Christmas?

It’s not that I’m particularly bah humbug this year. Although my ear drums may have bled when my Creative Director decided he was Bing Crosby for the whole of December.

I may also have completely lost interest in putting up the tree, when I’d only hung four baubles. It stayed that way for over a week.

I did 90% of my Christmas shopping in a day. Unlike every other year when I have agonised over each person’s gift for at least a week each.

I didn’t even bother with the Christmas markets this year, and I practically trip over them going to and from work. Not even for gluhwein.

No, I may not have really got into Christmas this year, but that’s more to do with a complete lack of spare time than anything else. Work has been tremendously busy with multiple shoots and edits on the go. So Christmas has just felt like a bit of a hassle.

So here’s my dilemma. I want to make Christmas Day special for our 16 month old and memorable for us. But I can’t see the point of buying him a sack load of presents just because.

Am I being too bah humbug?

Truth is, we could buy him a million things I’m sure he’d love, but he doesn’t really need anything much. He’s also still a fraction too young to really understand that Christmas Day means presents (in child logic).

As for Santa, well the large red man has so far only been met with suspicion and mistrust – even when bearing gifts.

So far, all we’ve bought is a box of Duplo lego. And today, being my last available shopping day, means that’s probably all he’s going to get – from us anyway.

Actually what am I worried about. He has grandparents to spoil him rotten.

And there’s always the sales.

From resentful to grateful

From resentful to grateful – in four weeks.

Well it’s been about a month (I’m ashamed to admit) since my last confession – or blog post. The reason for radio silence? For almost four weeks I was a single parent. My husband had either been working nights, was at a conference or was in Australia.

He went to Australia alone as neither of us (mainly me) could face travelling all that way with our now very mobile little boy, especially for such a short trip. But faced with the looming reality of looking after our son on my own for that length of time, I wasn’t exactly pleasant to be around. The closer it came to him leaving the more I doubted my ability to look after our son flying solo.

I will admit, that in preparation for the onslaught I did cheat, booking a week off work – so at least if I was up all night with a teething banshee, I didn’t have to drag myself into work and pretend to be productive the next day.

As luck would have it, both my son and myself were ill while my husband was away. First I spent a weekend vomiting up the entire contents of my stomach, and what at the time seemed like my liver, kidneys, lungs and sometimes my brain. Then the following week, the wee man came down with the latest virus and had a sky-high temperature for over a week. He did such a great impersonation of a koala I thought I might be in Australia – until I looked at the sleeting rain outside.

You can probably tell we did survive. And actually we did ok. Better than I expected to be honest. I guess you just get on with it don’t you? Like when your son is demanding lunch and you’re lying on the kitchen floor barely able to lift your head after yet another bout of throwing up, you do just get on with it.

I actually learnt a really important lesson in the process too.

This post was going to be titled ‘resentful’. I do the bulk of the day to day parenting as well as the household chores, while now also working pretty hard too. And even though my husband works much, much harder than me, I was beginning to feel a little unappreciated. Then he went away and I realised that what he does at home still helps massively. It took him not being here to appreciate just how much.

I coped by putting everything else in my life on hold. My work, to some degree, by taking a holiday. My social life. My writing. Even my food, skipping more meals than I have ever done in my life. Clearly it’s a parenting model that isn’t sustainable or advisable. I take my hat off to parents who manage alone.

So to my husband, I am not resentful, I am grateful.

Just don’t go away anytime soon.

Tips: Starting your own online business

Top tips – a follow up to Siu’s interview.

The thought of starting your own business and being your own boss can have a lot of appeal when you have little ones. The dream of working your business hours around family life is a strong pull. The reality though… Well, surely it’s more like juggling an extra child? Your fledgling business and your actual children. So, I asked Siu for her top tips on starting an online business.

  1. This may not be popular, but for me, getting it launched and gaining traction ahead of getting pregnant has been key. True, this advice is only relevant for the longer term planners amongst us… J Personally, if I’d fallen pregnant any earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to hire help, which would have made combining the business and motherhood much, much trickier.
  2. An online shop is like any bricks and mortar shop in that you need to think about trends, stock management, etc. etc. as an ongoing thing. Customer service is incredibly important, so needs to be a key factor in any growth/process decisions.
  3. Budget for marketing is crucial – I’ve focused primarily on online marketing but offline should be a part of the mix too even for ecommerce businesses
  4. Enter a market that you have passion for. Running your own business can be a rollercoaster ride at the best of times. I think if you love what you do then it makes it far easier to brave the stormier times and sustain long hours/hard work.
  5. Google Analytics, Google Analytics, Google Analytics!

Interview: the online wedding business mum

The online wedding business mum

For my second (long overdue) interview, I wanted to see how someone who has their own business juggles motherhood and professional commitments. I know how much pressure I feel some weeks when there are deadlines to be met. But being in business for yourself? Well, I doff my hat to Siu who has survived another very busy wedding season while looking after a gorgeous baby girl.

Siu Coll, Director of libertyinlove.co.uk, an online boutique for tres fashionable brides.

Tell me a little about your business.

I have an online boutique selling bridal accessories and wedding jewellery to style-forward brides. I’ve always loved beautiful things and fashion, and was inspired to set up the business after my own wedding. From its launch in 2010, I have seen the business grow steadily, have taken on staff and have gained some great press coverage in magazines such as Wedding, Conde Nast Bride, You and Your Wedding, Red and Hello.

How many hours a week do you work?

Currently, I’m working part-time – around 20-30 hours a week.

What is your typical working day like?

There isn’t a ‘typical working day’, which suits me perfectly as I enjoy the variety. I tend to have set core tasks that I do on certain days though, and slot everything else around these. For example, on Tuesdays, I go through sales reports and place supplier orders. Stock availability has a big impact on conversion rates so it’s important to manage this carefully – especially in the peak season. On top of this, I might then write a blog, check our Pay-Per-Click campaigns, liaise with the photographer, developer or designer on upcoming campaigns and website changes, and so on.

How old is your child?

She’s 10 months old.

Do you have help? (Paid or family?)

I’m very fortunate that my mum lives locally, and Tabitha just adores her. She has her part-time.

What are your biggest challenges juggling work and family?

Having enough hours in the day! And never knowing when to switch off the laptop, which inevitably means that I work late in the evenings when Tabitha’s gone to bed. This has affected how much time my husband and I have been able to spend together. But, it’s not a long-term thing, so we’re happy to run with it for now. I’ve learned that babies change so much that nothing remains the same for very long. That said, we try to keep the weekends sacred, to do fun things together as a family.

How are you solving this?

We’re definitely going to start looking at formal childcare options again soon. We’d looked before – at quite a few actually – but couldn’t find anything that ticked all our (admittedly very extensive number of) boxes at those stages.

What do you think being a professional mum adds to your family life?

Whilst being a mum is such an amazing and enriching experience, for me it can perhaps be all too easy to become consumed by it all. I love having my own business, having creative input into it, and the personal challenges that it brings in general.

Do you feel you compromise anything juggling the two?

Probably my own relaxation time, but then that probably goes hand-in-hand with being a mum in any case.

Proudest moment professionally?

I’m quite proud of the fact that I’ve survived the (many) sleepless nights whilst being able to grow the business. But, I think the proudest moment is yet to come.

Proudest moment as a mum?

Where do I start? At the risk of sounding precious, there’s not a day goes by when I don’t feel a little burst of pride. Tonight, it was her mimicking her daddy to make him laugh at dinner time. A little comic genius!

The fear.

The fear.

Last week we were in a bad place. Worried. I guess like all new parents. Our little boy had been unwell for more than a month. Nothing outwardly serious, but he was utterly miserable, and worse, he was losing weight. He’d just had a bad run of it. First was a cold. Then a winter vomiting bug that had us laid up as well. Followed by the MMR reactions of 41 degree fever and swollen glands. Topped off by another winter vomiting bug. (And now a cold and teething, but we know what we’re dealing with there.)

Because he’d always had reflux, and our little one seemed to be vomiting for a vey long time (10 days plus, each stint), my husband started to worry there was something more sinister underlying his condition. And after a month of either bringing up his food, or having no appetite at all, our usually slim little boy was literally skin and bones. And we were worried.

At this point I have to say it all sounds so trivial now. I have good friends whose strength has really been tested as a result of the serious health complications their own children are suffering. And here we were worried about a bit of vomit. Well, ok, a lot of vomit, but still. I guess at three in the morning, when you’re sitting on your nursery floor hugging your sobbing bag of bones, every item of your clothing and theirs covered in rancid smelling spew, your hair still emanating the same aroma from a few hours before, and you have no idea who (or even how) to change first, you do err on the side of hysteria, rather than calm. Oh, and let’s not forget the vomity blood.

So, yes, we had the fear. And for once the rational half of us (being my husband), had the fear too. Which doesn’t help. Especially because he knows how to Google medical stuff and was already talking about a battery of investigations, none of which our little boy would find remotely pleasant or understand why we were putting him through them.

Then, fate / Mother Nature intervened. And our little one discovered he did actually have an immune system after all. Within a day he was screaming (yes, literally screaming) to be fed a mammoth three course meal every two hours, and racing all over the house like there’d never been anything wrong. And there ended lesson number 17 in being a parent.

Menu of childhood illnesses

What’s on the menu today?

Welcome to nursery. What assortment of childhood illnesses would you like to take home from our menu today?

There’s the delightful winter vomiting bug going around at the moment. Take your pick of strains. They range from a few days of nausea, to the total ‘drop a dress size in a week’ variety. Either way, your child will be banished from nursery so you’ll be working from home, typing at your kitchen table, with the faint smell of sick still in your hair.

Also on the menu is your garden-variety cold and flu. This is just coming into season at the moment and will be available in all good childcare establishments very soon. This has the benefit of being able to leave your child at nursery. However the most common side effect for unsuspecting parents is going to work with slime trails of snot on your top, coat, and if you’re very lucky, around your crotch or bottom – from when your little one was clinging to your leg before you managed to bundle them into the car.

And don’t forget your ear infections, coughs, colds, sniffles, rashes, unexplained high temperatures, chicken pox and tonsillitis, peppered with those all too frequent bouts of teething.

You can expect this menu to be readily available for the next six months, by which time your small, fevered little darling should have gained some semblance of an immune system. Well, you can but hope.